In the early days, Jim Kettleman shares some of the ideas he was taught to live by. One of those statements is:
“Don’t trust anybody, not even me. To trust is a weakness. It ain’t necessarily that folks are bad, but they are weak or afraid. Be strong. Be your own man. Go your own way, but whatever you do, don’t go crossways of other folks’ beliefs" (L’Amour, Louis. Flint: A Novel (p. 17). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition).
I have been thinking about his definitions of Trust and wondering what my beliefs are.
What is the definition of trust? Why does he think that trust is a weakness?
Are there parts of this quote that are wrong? What are those parts? Are there correct parts? What are those parts?
American Heritage’s online definition of Trust:
1. Firm belief in the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing; confidence or reliance.
“trying to gain our clients’ trust; taking it on trust that our friend is telling the truth.”
2. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one.
“violated a public trust.”
3. One in which confidence is placed.
I think part of the truth is that people CAN be weak and afraid. And when we have fears, we don’t always act with what we know is right. Jim can pick out examples in his life where his belief not to trust protected him. But is that the best way to live?
I think we can find examples in our own lives where trusting someone harmed us. But can we also find examples in our lives that trusting someone helped us? What lessons do we learn from that?
I also think that we need to be strong and that we need to be our own person in the sense that we do what we think is best and, after listening to or considering all the options, make our own decisions about what to do and live.
But I also believe it is a weakness not to be able to trust anyone, to counsel or get support from people. I can’t imagine how lonely that life would be. I am an external processor. I have to work outside my thinking to resolve issues and decide what to do. Should I trust and listen to every voice? No.
Trust is a simple word but a very complex idea. Reading Ken Blanchard’s Trust Works was very helpful because it shared actions that could be measured and connected to Trust. I find that I have reflected on these ideas several times since learning about his ABCD Trust Model. Jim had a lot of areas he could check off in this model, but there were several areas he was really weak in, especially in the Connected box.
As I have been reflecting on some of the things that I have learned from reading Flint. This is one of the areas. I have thought a lot more about what trust looks like and how we show trust to people.
A quote that I want to take issue with: "Books are friends that will never fail you. You are going into a hard world" (L’Amour, Louis. Flint: A Novel (p. 17). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition).
I don’t believe this is 100% true. I believe it very much matters which books you read. If the book is based on false premises, the book will fail you. It will lead you astray, especially if the author or the work has the intention to try to sway the reader’s allegiance towards bad or wrong ideas.
I like this point from The Healing Power of Stories by Daniel Taylor:
“We should evaluate these core stories by the highest criteria and act accordingly if they are found wanting. We can heal our stories and choose new ones, for instance, by becoming true, acting characters rather than mere personalities. Characters are defined by their choices, and their choices are a reflection of their values and understanding of the world. Your most meaningful stories should be chosen, not lived by default.” (p. 125).
To me, one of the things that makes this book a good story is that you can see that Jim is wrestling with some of his teachings and seeing that they might not be 100% accurate. We get to see that Jim will change some of his beliefs. And if Jim can change, so can we. We can change and refine our beliefs as we go along in life.
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