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The Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde Ponderings

11/22/2025

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There are several men in this play that you can compare to decide who is the ideal husband: The Earl of Caversham, Viscount Goring, Sir Robert Chiltern, and Baron Arnheim (not present in the play).  You can also look at the ladies and ask who the ideal spouse is.  Which is the best marriage?  You could look at the areas that Oscar Wilde pokes fun at. 

The main focus of the play is Sir Robert Chiltern, the respected and honorable politician who a scheming woman is blackmailing.  I guess if you can be blackmailed, you might not be a truly respected and honorable politician.  Of course, that depends on why he is respected. 
We learn very quickly in the play that the origin of wealth his career start of Sir Robert comes from sharing government secrets.  Is Sir Robert remorseful for his actions?  I think not. 

He states: 
“Gertrude, public and private life are different things.  They have different laws, and move on different lines.”

and,

“Gertrude, truth is a very complex thing, and politics is a very complex business.”

And,

“And, after all, whom did I wrong by what I did?  No one.”

And

“Of course I had private information about a certain transaction contemplated by the Government of the day, and I acted on it.  Private information is practically the source of every large modern fortune”.

And

“Every man of ambition has to fight his century with its own weapons.  What this century worships is wealth.  The God of this century is wealth.  To succeed one must have wealth.  At all costs one must have wealth”.

And

“No; that money gave me exactly what I wanted, power over others”.
 
I don’t see that Sir Robert has many regrets other than his wife might leave him because he hid the truth from her.  His friend, Lord Goring, saves the day; Sir Robert keeps the girl and gets a promotion.
Lord Goring has many lines in the play that are well executed; he shows himself to be the best candidate for an ideal husband.  One of those popular lines is:  “Women are not meant to judge us, but to forgive us when we need forgiveness.  Pardon, not punishment, is their mission”. 

Forgiveness is important in all relationships.  And no doubt Sir Robert needs some forgiveness.  My question is, since he doesn’t believe he did wrong, what is he being forgiven of?  And more importantly, how long will it be before he finds that to move ahead in his career, he will do something dishonorable again?  People are human.  Should we just excuse politicians for just doing what everyone else is doing?  I am sure we can find that they are likable and have some good qualities, but what are we saying when we don’t hold people accountable for their integrity?  What are we saying when we focus on the cute romance and the great acting but don’t address the principles the story shares with us?  Is the quote 100% true? Should no judgment ever occur, and just excusing action always be the case?   Are private virtue and public virtue distinct from each other?  Should they have different laws?
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